Journey 2 Fit {Day 79-87} Feeling Light

So I've been doing Zumba for a while now and definitely feel the change within me.  My spirit is light, my weight is lighter and the endorphin level is high.  This is all good.

Things are becoming clearer to me and choices are becoming easier to make.  For example, last night, date night with hubby we went out to dinner at Applebee's.  I had there under 550 cal dinner, so did hubbs.  But what struck me was that I was stuffed!!! 

I over ate.  I have never had that feeling before.  I recognized that this was something different.  That my body had done some changing.  Now I know what that feels like.  The abuse I was doing to myself.

It was enlightening.

The uncomfortable feeling helped me know my limits and now I can make better choices.

I love this journey I am on.  I love what I am learning about me. 

This week I gain 1 lbs...I am thinking that is muscle, because I definitely feel stronger. :-)

Journey 2 Fit {Day 58-78} Closing that Chapter

I haven't given up if that is what you have been thinking.

VERY far from that.  I have been workin' it out!!

This past Christmas I got Zumba for the Wii and it has been nothing less than REMARKABLE!  It is so much fun and I look forward to doing it everyday.  Since my last post I have lost about 6 lbs in 20 days workout.

Another thing I have been doing is find my peace in my fractured relationship with my mother, sister and father. 

It's been one month today, since I last spoke with my mother or father and even longer since I spoke with my sister.

That is the most difficult part of this whole journey.  In an earlier post, I talked about how the lbs. found a home on my 5'3" frame all due to emotional situations that I allowed to affect me NOW.

Not anymore, I can't afford it.

In my, what I believe, is my last visit back east, I was pushed beyond my limits and I can never, nor will I ever do that again.  I wish them well, I hope for prosperity, good health and joy for them, but I know I can't be a part of it.  My bad dealings with them will not be added lbs. on my frame.  I think of them, but I can't hurt myself in order to help them. 

The whole experience has brought to light that I am not important, and really haven't been that important in their lives.  I have extended myself to them, but it has never been reciprocal.  I had to let go and move on.  It's hard and it hurts, but it is what it is and I have turned to exercise and making better food choices to deal with the depressed feeling I have.  Luckly, I have seen the positive results to deal with the stress of losing yet more people I love.  Another sad chapter in my life I will have close. 

I now depend on my husband and boys to fill me up....and Zumba...they are all I have now.

Journey 2 Fit {Day 50-53} Getting it back on track

Stand up.

Dust off.

Remember the goal.

Move towards it.

I am sick and tired of allowing things and people to get in my way.  I want this and I need this.  Screw everything else. 

For Christmas, I received two things I need and wanted.  New running shoes and Zumba.  Yesterday I used both and I'm all the better for it.  They reminded me that I have work to do and I don't have time to fool around with foolish things and people. 

Zumba was great fun and my whole family got up and did it with me.  It is a workout and I am looking forward to the challenge.

This is my choice and now I must be accountable for it.

Let me know if you want to come over and join me in a workout on the Wii with me.  I would appreciate the company.

Journey 2 Fit {Day 45-49} Wanted "Over Easy" but got "Scrambled" Instead!

Going back was not REALLY in my best interest.  It was more of a blow and I am currently struggling to get back in sync with everything.

Virginia Beach, although beautiful, is not a good place for me.  Let me rephrase that, VB the place, was not bad, but what I had to deal with, left me with no desire to return. The time {3 days} I spent there did a number on me.  I saw everything that I left back east and now I understand why I did and why it is good that that "stuff" remains there.

I saw suffering, struggling, anger, bitterness, hatred, dishonesty, envy, sadness, immodesty, lewdness, poverty of spirit and the list seems endless.  But I also saw, charity and hope.  Which struggled to survive in such an environment.

As I was a spectator in all of this, the only thing that kept creeping into my heart and mind, was "Choice and Accountability."

"Choice & Accountability"

I have always felt pretty strong about those two words, Choice & Accountability and I have had the blessed opportunity of seeing what my accountability to my choices afforded me. 

I have chosen NOT to drink alcohol.  That choice has given me a clear mind, to make decisions that I have been held accountable for.  Seeing how drink has destroyed the lives of many of my family has steered me away from it TOTALLY.

I have chosen NOT to smoke.  Which has allowed me to benefit with relatively good health.

I have chosen to fill my mind with education & art and gain beneficial knowledge about a lot of things.  Which has allowed me to able to understand & communicate with many different people around me and to teach my children.

I have chosen to be kind and open to differences, which has allowed me to have genuine friendships and good relationships. 

All of this and several other choices, I know have been nothing but blessings in my life.

So to go to Virginia to see my dad for the last time and say goodbye, we thought would be good for me and him... it was anything but.

I left with him screaming at me, because I had had it with him speaking to his wife in such an abusive manner and only to return home to my husband having been cursed out by my intoxicated sister.

This "Goodbye" was all supposed to have been done over easy, but it all ended up scrambled. {I hate eggs, because my father's abuse toward me and my sister with eggs}

It saddens me this holiday a bit, but I have a good life, with those who love me, all around me.  I wish the best for them back east, but I can never go there again. 

This is all I have been thinking about and the thoughts have gotten in the way of me moving forward.  Taking care of myself was moved to the back burner again. 

But that was the old me I can't let that "stuff" get in my way again.