Who was serving who?

The experience of the orientation will forever be a blessed memory. The couple I met were Muslim and middle-aged (37 not middle-aged, right?). I had to teach them how to use public transportation to be able to get to our agency and back home. I was worried that I might offend, not knowing their religious etiquette. Right away they put me at ease.

When I first arrived at their home, The mother answered the door crying.. Her family has only been here just under a month and she really misses her family back in her native country. I'm a hugger. So I did what came natural to me and I wrapped my arms around her and let her cry. After about 2-3 minutes she began kissing me on each cheek and saying Alla had sent me to her. I then told her that I was from the IRC (which ironically is called the International RESCUE Committee). 

We got on the bus and headed downtown. All I was thinking about was not offending. Making sure that I did not accidentally nudge let alone touch her husband. All the while she kept talking and talking and talking.

She told me of how it came to be that she and her family ended up in the US. It is a very spellbound sacred history. My heart broke for her.

We made it to the IRC.

Her husband who spoke very little to no English, was determined to be able to find his way back to there place. Especially after I had told them that they would have to show how to get back home. He knew what he was doing. :-)

We talked a lot. When I told her I was married and had children, she just shook her head and kept saying, "Nah, nah, nah, nah, that's not true."  She kept saying that I was too young to have children as old as I did.  She also would not believe me when I told her I was not Arabic.  It was fun to talk with her and she even danced and sung with me on the corner.  She was a very HAPPY woman.

She grew fond of me and wanted me to stay for lunch.  Unfortunately, I could not.  As I was saying goodbye, she kissed me again several times on each cheek and cupped my face and told me that when she looks into my eyes, she can see my heart.  That she can feel the warmth of my heart and that it brings her close to me.  And to my surprise, her husband grab my hand and patted it and then touched his chest and nodded repeatedly.  I wasn't nervous anymore.

I have never had anyone who has only met me for 3 hours say such beautiful and kind things to or about me.  I was only doing a service.  But I left lifted and blessed, having been served.

Journey 2 Fit {91-102} 100+ days on this "trip"

This has been the most insightful experience thus far.  I have learned more about my own limitations and how I need to respect them. 

Limitations should not be seen as just stuff you "can't" do but in my humble opinion, they should be viewed as "check points."  They are there to make you aware of your abilities and capabilities.  They demand and require RESPECT.

The "check points" I have seen in myself are:

• Not running faster than you have strength for.
• Not doing the easy thing just because it is easy (This one was an extremely eye opening lesson.  I have to do a separate post on that)
• To shut my mouth and just listen and hear.  (There is a great deal you can learn in silence)

And the list can go on.

My journey is not done.  I have pit stops along the way.  I would love company, but you can only get on the ride when it is your time.  And that's another thing I have learned in these 100+ days.  This trip is a long one and those who get on to support you eventually have to get off the train to deal with their stuff.  But others may join you.  Yet and still, there are others whom you will pass by who are not ready for the trip. 

And that's okay.

When you are ready, I will be here for you to support you along the way.

Journey 2 Fit {Day 88-90} Oh Holy S.W.E.A.T!!!

S= Sound
W= Weight loss
E= Energy Boosting
A= All Natural
T= Treatment

Yep, that's what it is!!!  Over the last 90 days, 30 of them I have dedicated to Zumba and fit2fat2fit.  In those thirty days I have done something I have never done in my life before.

SWEAT

In the past I have only allowed myself to get to the stage of "glistening."  Who wanted to sweat?!?!  Sure as heck not me.  I had convinced myself that sweat was not necessary for ME.  Everyone else needed it to see results, NOT ME.

So now I have been sweating daily!! And to my surprise....

I LIKE IT!!!!  A LOT!!!!!

To my understanding, sweat is the body's natural temperature control, when the body gets hot or too hot, you will SWEAT.  So in my little brain, I comprehend that to mean that, if I am sweating, I am burning something...right? 

What is that burning? 

SUGARS & FAT!!!

YEA!!!!!!!

So I will sweat some more. 

What's your S.W.E.A.T acronym breakdown?

Journey 2 Fit {Day 58-78} Closing that Chapter

I haven't given up if that is what you have been thinking.

VERY far from that.  I have been workin' it out!!

This past Christmas I got Zumba for the Wii and it has been nothing less than REMARKABLE!  It is so much fun and I look forward to doing it everyday.  Since my last post I have lost about 6 lbs in 20 days workout.

Another thing I have been doing is find my peace in my fractured relationship with my mother, sister and father. 

It's been one month today, since I last spoke with my mother or father and even longer since I spoke with my sister.

That is the most difficult part of this whole journey.  In an earlier post, I talked about how the lbs. found a home on my 5'3" frame all due to emotional situations that I allowed to affect me NOW.

Not anymore, I can't afford it.

In my, what I believe, is my last visit back east, I was pushed beyond my limits and I can never, nor will I ever do that again.  I wish them well, I hope for prosperity, good health and joy for them, but I know I can't be a part of it.  My bad dealings with them will not be added lbs. on my frame.  I think of them, but I can't hurt myself in order to help them. 

The whole experience has brought to light that I am not important, and really haven't been that important in their lives.  I have extended myself to them, but it has never been reciprocal.  I had to let go and move on.  It's hard and it hurts, but it is what it is and I have turned to exercise and making better food choices to deal with the depressed feeling I have.  Luckly, I have seen the positive results to deal with the stress of losing yet more people I love.  Another sad chapter in my life I will have close. 

I now depend on my husband and boys to fill me up....and Zumba...they are all I have now.

Journey 2 Fit {Day 54-57} Weigh-In #8 (I've skipped a few)

Three weeks at a stand still IS OVER!!  I think...I hope.  3 lbs down in the history books.  I am pretty sure the hike and the zumba had a lot to do with. 

Not to mention letting go of family baggage.

I am feeling so much more positive and free. 

Thank you for your support.  Looking forward to next week.

Journey 2 Fit {Day 45-49} Wanted "Over Easy" but got "Scrambled" Instead!

Going back was not REALLY in my best interest.  It was more of a blow and I am currently struggling to get back in sync with everything.

Virginia Beach, although beautiful, is not a good place for me.  Let me rephrase that, VB the place, was not bad, but what I had to deal with, left me with no desire to return. The time {3 days} I spent there did a number on me.  I saw everything that I left back east and now I understand why I did and why it is good that that "stuff" remains there.

I saw suffering, struggling, anger, bitterness, hatred, dishonesty, envy, sadness, immodesty, lewdness, poverty of spirit and the list seems endless.  But I also saw, charity and hope.  Which struggled to survive in such an environment.

As I was a spectator in all of this, the only thing that kept creeping into my heart and mind, was "Choice and Accountability."

"Choice & Accountability"

I have always felt pretty strong about those two words, Choice & Accountability and I have had the blessed opportunity of seeing what my accountability to my choices afforded me. 

I have chosen NOT to drink alcohol.  That choice has given me a clear mind, to make decisions that I have been held accountable for.  Seeing how drink has destroyed the lives of many of my family has steered me away from it TOTALLY.

I have chosen NOT to smoke.  Which has allowed me to benefit with relatively good health.

I have chosen to fill my mind with education & art and gain beneficial knowledge about a lot of things.  Which has allowed me to able to understand & communicate with many different people around me and to teach my children.

I have chosen to be kind and open to differences, which has allowed me to have genuine friendships and good relationships. 

All of this and several other choices, I know have been nothing but blessings in my life.

So to go to Virginia to see my dad for the last time and say goodbye, we thought would be good for me and him... it was anything but.

I left with him screaming at me, because I had had it with him speaking to his wife in such an abusive manner and only to return home to my husband having been cursed out by my intoxicated sister.

This "Goodbye" was all supposed to have been done over easy, but it all ended up scrambled. {I hate eggs, because my father's abuse toward me and my sister with eggs}

It saddens me this holiday a bit, but I have a good life, with those who love me, all around me.  I wish the best for them back east, but I can never go there again. 

This is all I have been thinking about and the thoughts have gotten in the way of me moving forward.  Taking care of myself was moved to the back burner again. 

But that was the old me I can't let that "stuff" get in my way again. 

Journey 2 Fit {Day 33-34} A Fine Line...I can NEVER across again.

In worrying about my weight, I have thought a lot about how some people have achieved their weight loss.  Some have worked there butts off.  Others needed the assistance of a doctor and have taken the drastic WLS(weight loss surgery) way.  There are people who have reduce calorie intake to 500 calories while taking HCG products.  And the most scary way, in my opinion has been through a eating disorder.

My mom has in the past teased me about bulimia.  And today is the first time I will publicly admit that I did practice bulimia. 

I've come to understand that bulimia is not a food thing, at least not for me.  It was and still is a mind thing.  A self-esteem thing.  Something, I did to try to be like those around me, who were all thin and beautiful.  And some of those people are still thin and beautiful, even after kids.  My mother would often say, "Black women are built differently, I don't know why we (black women) tend to get 'big' after we have babies... 

My husband says, "I'm a man who likes meat of my bone."  I know he says that out of trying to make me feel better, but it often hurts.  Only because I think he's settling for something less than...and we have often told our children  that settling is not an option.

With all of that said, I will say that on this journey I have thought often about bulimia.  Especially in my alone times.  I have begun to come up with justifications as to why I should, but I come back to that day is high school, when I fainted and was taken to the hospital and was kept for over a week for observation.  Then I tricked the doctor's to thinking that I was just overly stressed with school, but it was because I had been purging for 3 days straight and it had finally caught up with me.

So I have come to that very fine line again.  Trying to figure out if I am going to be doing this the healthy way and putting in the time or going back to my old destructive ways...and I choose the hard road. 

I think I am at a turning point.  I now realize that my weight issue is more of a mental change in myself than it is physical.  I honestly believe that as I strengthen mentally the physical will follow.

I hope you continue to support me.  Thanks.

Journey 2 Fit {Day 32} That was WORK!!!

FOR ALL THE STARS IN THE SKY!!!!!  Yesterday's workout almost killed me!!!!  I have been so focused and worried about a stinkin' PLATEAU, I had no idea what was ahead.

I could only get through 1 Exercise. Before I knew it, I had to do them again to complete the rest.  Today is that day!!!!  I have to finish yesterday's exercises and still do 30 min. of running/walking. 

Today, I got on the scale and the number increased by one.  THAT PISSED ME OFF!!!!  But not to point of quitting...to the point of having a stronger resolve!!!!!!  Oh I have learned that I will not be looking at the scale daily...my son was doing that and I had to put an end to that...so what is good for the gander is good for the goose...NO MORE sneaking a peek at the scale until WEIGH-IN Saturday.

I am a WINNER!!!

...and working for a valiant goal never really hurt anyone.

My Goal:  A healthier me for ME & my family.

Journey 2 Fit {Day 30-31} Fear is NOT an excuse to quit

This morning I slacked and didn't get up to workout.  Not because I was tired or it was cold, but doubt has begun to flood my mind.  It is Day 31 of my journey and I feel stronger and healthier, but I am a visual creature, I WANT and NEED to see concrete numbers.

So just a little bit ago I went to check in on fit2fat2fit to see what exercises I will be doing this week as this new month brings new challenges....and I got scared.

First thoughts,  Oh NOOOO, I can't do this!  Then I kept reading Drew's post and in all caps he said, FEAR IS NOT AN EXCUSE TO QUIT. 

Can you believe, I actually placed my head in my hands and cried.  I was going to quit.  It was like Drew was calling me on my crap. 

I can't quit.  This is just the beginning of the change.  This opportunity is a blessing.  I have the benefit of a personal trainer, dietitian and coach ALL FOR FREE.  And I was going to throw it away because of  FEAR and a CHALLENGE.

What the hell was I thinking!?!  I just have to keep digging.  Even when I am tired and it is frustating...KEEP DIGGING!!!!

Journey 2 Fit {Day 28-29} Struggle of the Plateau

I am pretty sure EVERYONE has experienced the down in the dumps of not seeing the number on the scale reflecting the work you FEEL you have put into a new SMALLER number.

I feel that way right now.  Hubbs said about a week or so ago, "Honey, I think you are going to hit your plateau soon, if not now."  I couldn't help but scowl at him and snap, "Don't you dare say that to me!" 

Sadly, I think I have hit it.  The scale has not moved in three weeks now and I am feeling sad.  I am trying to be positive, but for me three weeks is like the Fat Monster laughing & saying, "I've got you now, SUCKA!!!" 

I almost feel like giving up.  Although, I know I can't. 

The number may not be budging right now, but I feel the difference in my clothing and the notices I have from people.  It even feels REALLY nice to run.  It does hurt like it has in the past.  So does the number really matter?

Not all numbers carry the same weight. 

How long does a plateau last?  I am excited that next week fit2fat2fit is going be adding new exercises, but I wonder if I have shot myself in the foot, by walking and NOW running so much. 

Starting to doubt my ability to win in this battle.

Journey 2 Fit {Day 26-27} Loving What I am Seeing

Getting ready to hit the 4 week mark on doing fit2fat2fit and I am finding that I am looking in the mirror more.  I don't like mirrors.  As a matter of fact there is not a full length mirror anywhere in my house.

I have not had one for several years.  But now I go into my son's room and look at myself in his mirror which is a little bigger than the medicine cabinet, which I sometime avoid.  Things are tightening up.

With that said, I was teetering there the last couple of days.  I was really craving a greasy burger, but I thought, I've come this far, why screw it up now.

As a matter of fact, I just got off the phone with my mother.  She was saying how she wishes she would have finished a lot of things in her life.  How things she has wanted to accomplish, escaped her because she never finished. 

I don't want to ever say that.  Although, I have said it before.  This is one of the reason why I am pushing along.  Why I can't give up and leave things undone.

So I will push for that extra step.  I will push to holdfast passed the temptation.  Thanks for being there, folks...I feel your cheers.  I know you are pulling for me.

Journey 2 Fit {Day 25} Just Thinking...

...about how I got to this position in my life.  It took a long time actually to get here...and TODAY it slapped me in the face, that it is going to take a long time to fix it.

I didn't just get fat all of a sudden.  I had to take care of "the fat."  I had to nurture it.  I had to feed it.  I had to give it what it wanted to grow.

Now that I know that I have not been nurturing my "healthy self," I have to really let "the fat" step aside.  The "healthy me," wants it's time in the sun.  NOW I will nurture it!  NOW I will feed it.  NOW I will give it what it needs to grow and be strong.

I don't want anyone to get the idea that I think fat is bad.  Fat is not bad, it can be abused though.  I have used it in that way, abusing myself with over indulgences.  I have allowed it to get out of hand and rob me and my family of a lot. 

I deserve BETTER...SO do you.

So get moving!  With me or not!  Eat aware! No matter what it is you are eating, be it a spinach smoothie or a triple-decker burger...KNOW WHAT YOU ARE PUTTING INTO YOUR BODY!!!

Thank you so much for your words of support.  It's working for me!!!  I hope I am being as helpful as you.

Journey 2 Fit {Day 23-24} Changes Noticed

Yesterday was a rest day and I took full advantage of it, knowing that this was going to be my week of harder work and even greater dedication.  So today I did all of my "scheduled" workouts and 3 miles. 

I'm Lovin' this feeling"

Today, my little one noticed something I hadn't really paid any attention to.  My Pants.

My PJ bottoms seem to be A LOT looser and very baggie. That got me thinking about, what am I going to do with all of this extra clothing? 

Being that I have been overweight for so so long and I have not been really into shopping for myself, I have not bought a lot of cute stuff for me.  I just didn't/don't have a eye for fashion at my current size, but things are changing.  With my clothing not fitting and I am starting to look droopy, I need some up-to-date stylish outfits.

Where is your favorite place to shop?

So changes are being noticed and that is the best feeling when others see your hard work and you don't have to even say a word.

Journey 2 Fit {Day 21} Habit or ????

I hear it takes 21 days to make or break a habit.  Is that true?

21 day!!!  That's all!!! 

So in the past 21 days I have:

• Exercised~ I physically moved my body in some way be it stretching or cardio, I've exercised.
• Food for thought~ I conscientiously thought about every bit of food I consumed.  Trying to make the better choice.
• Kind words~ I have thought and said kind words to myself about my journey, hopefully giving myself encouragement to be better.

I think I still need a few more days to make all of this concrete, but I think I might be on the right path.

What habits have you created or let go of in 21 days, be it health or otherwise?

Journey 2 Fit {Day 20} Happy Thanksgiving & 5K

• 4:30 am wake up
• 5:00 am get out the gear for the race
• 5:30 am drink my protein drink
• 5:45 am start picking up all of the other 5k-ers

This was so exciting.  The last time I did a race was the "Love your body" race and it was AWESOME.  This race I really wanted to just enjoy it and take in everything that was happening around me.  I was go glad that I did this one with a group. 

As I do every race, I always vow to make a new friend.  This year I met Gary Bohn.  He usually runs the 10k but had surgery two weeks ago and decided to walk even probably against doctor's orders.  He is a wonderful man from what I learned.  He wasn't sure if he would make it the full 3.1 miles but as we all talked we realized that we had made it by the end.  It was wonderful.  I am so grateful for him and JaNean.

This was a first time 5k for a lot of people in my group (Matt & Melissa Harris, JaNean Frandsen, Jessica & her husband and me) and they did awesome.  They got bit by the bug and already want to do another.  Matt wants us to put one together, call it "Run the West" (after all we are in "West" Valley).  Definitely something to think about.

I hope this Thanksgiving we can all just be grateful that we have each other and that we all are healthy.  I am grateful to all of you who visit my little blog and support me. 

Happy Thanksgiving and hopefully I'll get to see you at the next race.

Journey 2 Fit {Day 18} Gratitude for the Support

Everyday I look to see if more people have "joined this site" to check to see how many miles I will need to do.  As I look at all those wonderful people's names and even one anonymous, it makes me get a little quiver in the lip.

Support in anything is key to much of the success.  I am so full of GRATITUDE for all of you who believe in me and support me.  I hope that what I am accomplishing here is an inspiration to all of you. 

I will support you also in your efforts.  Every single mile I  walk/run, I actually think of those people, there to the right.  For me they are saying, "Nakia, I believe in you."  I know that sounds corny but that thought keeps me taking each step.  I am especially GRATEFUL when those voices come to my mind when I really want to stop.  It helps me to keep pushing!!

Thank you!

I would love to walk more miles to say "Thanks."  So I ask you to please tell your friends and family what I am trying to accomplish here and "join this site."

Journey 2 Fit {Day 17} Positive Progression

They say the hardest part of any thing is getting started.

I AGREE!!!

It is day 17 of my journey and I reflect on the the 1st day.  For some it may not be a big deal, but for us who have struggled this is a HUGE deal.

I got up PUMPED to start, but the first time I did the plank I wanted to cry.  I think I did  a little.  Now I can hold the CORRECT position for nearly a minute without struggle.  At first I shook like a leaf in a windstorm, but I feel stronger now.  I don't shake as much.

It was a little thing.

A little thing that was added upon other little things and here I am able to do it.  I am so PROUD that I have stuck to this passed Day 15. 

Today as I walk on the treadmill, I thought to myself that this is so what I need, so what everyone needs, time to see the positive progression of the things.  This is going to make getting up at 4:45 am to workout a lot easier for me....I hope it works for hubbs too.

What positive progression have you seen in your life?

Journey 2 Fit {Day 15} Weigh In #2~ROCKIN' RESULTS!!

UNBELIEVABLE!!!!  UNBELIEVABLE!!!  Today the scale told me I lost 5.5lbs!!!

• I'm not hungry
• The exercises do not hurt!!!
• I'm not bored

All key to my success thus far.  Heck I had pizza last night (homemade of course) but, I had pizza!!  Which I thought would blow anything I had done the  week prior.  This only goes to show that if I am "good" the rest of the week I can splurge on the weekends.  Not go crazy but, enjoy a little of SAD (Standard American Diet).  A post on that is coming.

This is motivating!!!  Join me I would love to have a few people doing it with me.

My only question at this point is... Should I post pics?

{ If you haven't already, PLEASE support me by clicking on the Join this site link to the right there and I will walk/run a mile to say thank for your support.  YOU ROCK!!!!! }

Man of Wonder and Will

Never thought that this would be the place that I would record something about my husband other than his help in getting{figure}d out with me on my health goals, but alas, I write about him.

A lot of people have trouble speaking in front of groups.  I am not one of those people.  However, you take away my native tongue, throw in a curveball of a sick child ten minutes before depature, computer network shutdown as you stand to give your presentation....

...and you have a nervous breakdown in the making.

But today I was saved.

I go blank staring at my note cards and then I look up to see him. 

My man of Wonder.

A smile as bright as the sun, holding our sick son in the back row of the classroom.  I can feel his belief in me and I see no one, but him. 

Willing me through.

I could not even say my own name, but looked up again and saw him mouthed, "Babe, you got this."

My voice cracked with each utterance, but I saw only him and I regained composure.  The presenation went on and I nailed it.

I have been blessed with a great Man of Wonder and Will.  His support and dedication to helping me reach my goals and dreams is beyond my imagination. 

But that  is and has always been the man he is.