Friday, December 23, 2011

Journey 2 Fit {Day 45-49} Wanted "Over Easy" but got "Scrambled" Instead!

Going back was not REALLY in my best interest.  It was more of a blow and I am currently struggling to get back in sync with everything.

Virginia Beach, although beautiful, is not a good place for me.  Let me rephrase that, VB the place, was not bad, but what I had to deal with, left me with no desire to return. The time {3 days} I spent there did a number on me.  I saw everything that I left back east and now I understand why I did and why it is good that that "stuff" remains there.

I saw suffering, struggling, anger, bitterness, hatred, dishonesty, envy, sadness, immodesty, lewdness, poverty of spirit and the list seems endless.  But I also saw, charity and hope.  Which struggled to survive in such an environment.

As I was a spectator in all of this, the only thing that kept creeping into my heart and mind, was "Choice and Accountability."

"Choice & Accountability"

I have always felt pretty strong about those two words, Choice & Accountability and I have had the blessed opportunity of seeing what my accountability to my choices afforded me. 

I have chosen NOT to drink alcohol.  That choice has given me a clear mind, to make decisions that I have been held accountable for.  Seeing how drink has destroyed the lives of many of my family has steered me away from it TOTALLY.

I have chosen NOT to smoke.  Which has allowed me to benefit with relatively good health.

I have chosen to fill my mind with education & art and gain beneficial knowledge about a lot of things.  Which has allowed me to able to understand & communicate with many different people around me and to teach my children.

I have chosen to be kind and open to differences, which has allowed me to have genuine friendships and good relationships. 

All of this and several other choices, I know have been nothing but blessings in my life.

So to go to Virginia to see my dad for the last time and say goodbye, we thought would be good for me and him... it was anything but.

I left with him screaming at me, because I had had it with him speaking to his wife in such an abusive manner and only to return home to my husband having been cursed out by my intoxicated sister.

This "Goodbye" was all supposed to have been done over easy, but it all ended up scrambled. {I hate eggs, because my father's abuse toward me and my sister with eggs}

It saddens me this holiday a bit, but I have a good life, with those who love me, all around me.  I wish the best for them back east, but I can never go there again. 

This is all I have been thinking about and the thoughts have gotten in the way of me moving forward.  Taking care of myself was moved to the back burner again. 

But that was the old me I can't let that "stuff" get in my way again. 

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