Saturday, December 31, 2011

Journey 2 Fit {Day 54-57} Weigh-In #8 (I've skipped a few)

Three weeks at a stand still IS OVER!!  I think...I hope.  3 lbs down in the history books.  I am pretty sure the hike and the zumba had a lot to do with. 

Not to mention letting go of family baggage.

I am feeling so much more positive and free. 

Thank you for your support.  Looking forward to next week.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Journey 2 Fit {Day 50-53} Getting it back on track

Stand up.

Dust off.

Remember the goal.

Move towards it.

I am sick and tired of allowing things and people to get in my way.  I want this and I need this.  Screw everything else. 

For Christmas, I received two things I need and wanted.  New running shoes and Zumba.  Yesterday I used both and I'm all the better for it.  They reminded me that I have work to do and I don't have time to fool around with foolish things and people. 

Zumba was great fun and my whole family got up and did it with me.  It is a workout and I am looking forward to the challenge.

This is my choice and now I must be accountable for it.

Let me know if you want to come over and join me in a workout on the Wii with me.  I would appreciate the company.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Journey 2 Fit {Day 45-49} Wanted "Over Easy" but got "Scrambled" Instead!

Going back was not REALLY in my best interest.  It was more of a blow and I am currently struggling to get back in sync with everything.

Virginia Beach, although beautiful, is not a good place for me.  Let me rephrase that, VB the place, was not bad, but what I had to deal with, left me with no desire to return. The time {3 days} I spent there did a number on me.  I saw everything that I left back east and now I understand why I did and why it is good that that "stuff" remains there.

I saw suffering, struggling, anger, bitterness, hatred, dishonesty, envy, sadness, immodesty, lewdness, poverty of spirit and the list seems endless.  But I also saw, charity and hope.  Which struggled to survive in such an environment.

As I was a spectator in all of this, the only thing that kept creeping into my heart and mind, was "Choice and Accountability."

"Choice & Accountability"

I have always felt pretty strong about those two words, Choice & Accountability and I have had the blessed opportunity of seeing what my accountability to my choices afforded me. 

I have chosen NOT to drink alcohol.  That choice has given me a clear mind, to make decisions that I have been held accountable for.  Seeing how drink has destroyed the lives of many of my family has steered me away from it TOTALLY.

I have chosen NOT to smoke.  Which has allowed me to benefit with relatively good health.

I have chosen to fill my mind with education & art and gain beneficial knowledge about a lot of things.  Which has allowed me to able to understand & communicate with many different people around me and to teach my children.

I have chosen to be kind and open to differences, which has allowed me to have genuine friendships and good relationships. 

All of this and several other choices, I know have been nothing but blessings in my life.

So to go to Virginia to see my dad for the last time and say goodbye, we thought would be good for me and him... it was anything but.

I left with him screaming at me, because I had had it with him speaking to his wife in such an abusive manner and only to return home to my husband having been cursed out by my intoxicated sister.

This "Goodbye" was all supposed to have been done over easy, but it all ended up scrambled. {I hate eggs, because my father's abuse toward me and my sister with eggs}

It saddens me this holiday a bit, but I have a good life, with those who love me, all around me.  I wish the best for them back east, but I can never go there again. 

This is all I have been thinking about and the thoughts have gotten in the way of me moving forward.  Taking care of myself was moved to the back burner again. 

But that was the old me I can't let that "stuff" get in my way again. 

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Journey 2 Fit {Day 38-44) What the Heck Happened!?!?!

I don't even know!!!  But I just got back from Virginia and I will say it was miserable!!!  I tried to do exercises in the hotel, but it was not adequetly outfitted with what I needed.  On top of that I did NOT eat right AT ALL!!! 

Monday is tomorrow and it looks like I have a mile to do for kimsueellen and 1 for me tomorow and get my smoothies back on track....get the system all cleaned out.

I am not going to weigh in until next Sunday to get everything back in order.  I think I will be doing some doubles this week too...anyone what to join me in some "Just Dance 2" before the holidays?

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Journey 2 Fit {Days 35-37} Weigh In #5

I was a bit leery to get on the scale this morning.  But I had lost 1/2 a lbs. 

Lately, my mind has been spinning with all of the doubt from last week.  But what I think I have learned is that when a woman is getting close to that time of month, our bodies are experiencing something.

I know for me, my cravings go through the roof and I begin to feel sluggish and seem to drag.  It is truly a hard time for me.  I know I tend to hold on to fluid that seems to never leave for about a week.

Workouts are harder and I don't feel the motivation like I usually do, with that said, I SUCKED at last weeks workouts.  I did them have hearted and I know the 1/2 lbs. loss result is due to that, but a new week is coming!!  And new challenges.

Next week I am going to visit my dad in Virginia and I am hoping that I will have time to CTR (Choose the Right) meals and find the time to get in my exercises.  This should be fun never the less.  I am hoping to get at least one run in on the beach.  I HOPE!!!!

I am still pressing forward.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Journey 2 Fit {Day 33-34} A Fine Line...I can NEVER across again.

In worrying about my weight, I have thought a lot about how some people have achieved their weight loss.  Some have worked there butts off.  Others needed the assistance of a doctor and have taken the drastic WLS(weight loss surgery) way.  There are people who have reduce calorie intake to 500 calories while taking HCG products.  And the most scary way, in my opinion has been through a eating disorder.

My mom has in the past teased me about bulimia.  And today is the first time I will publicly admit that I did practice bulimia. 

I've come to understand that bulimia is not a food thing, at least not for me.  It was and still is a mind thing.  A self-esteem thing.  Something, I did to try to be like those around me, who were all thin and beautiful.  And some of those people are still thin and beautiful, even after kids.  My mother would often say, "Black women are built differently, I don't know why we (black women) tend to get 'big' after we have babies... 

My husband says, "I'm a man who likes meat of my bone."  I know he says that out of trying to make me feel better, but it often hurts.  Only because I think he's settling for something less than...and we have often told our children  that settling is not an option.

With all of that said, I will say that on this journey I have thought often about bulimia.  Especially in my alone times.  I have begun to come up with justifications as to why I should, but I come back to that day is high school, when I fainted and was taken to the hospital and was kept for over a week for observation.  Then I tricked the doctor's to thinking that I was just overly stressed with school, but it was because I had been purging for 3 days straight and it had finally caught up with me.

So I have come to that very fine line again.  Trying to figure out if I am going to be doing this the healthy way and putting in the time or going back to my old destructive ways...and I choose the hard road. 

I think I am at a turning point.  I now realize that my weight issue is more of a mental change in myself than it is physical.  I honestly believe that as I strengthen mentally the physical will follow.

I hope you continue to support me.  Thanks.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Journey 2 Fit {Day 32} That was WORK!!!

FOR ALL THE STARS IN THE SKY!!!!!  Yesterday's workout almost killed me!!!!  I have been so focused and worried about a stinkin' PLATEAU, I had no idea what was ahead.

I could only get through 1 Exercise. Before I knew it, I had to do them again to complete the rest.  Today is that day!!!!  I have to finish yesterday's exercises and still do 30 min. of running/walking. 

Today, I got on the scale and the number increased by one.  THAT PISSED ME OFF!!!!  But not to point of the point of having a stronger resolve!!!!!!  Oh I have learned that I will not be looking at the scale son was doing that and I had to put an end to what is good for the gander is good for the goose...NO MORE sneaking a peek at the scale until WEIGH-IN Saturday.

I am a WINNER!!!

...and working for a valiant goal never really hurt anyone.

My Goal:  A healthier me for ME & my family.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Journey 2 Fit {Day 30-31} Fear is NOT an excuse to quit

This morning I slacked and didn't get up to workout.  Not because I was tired or it was cold, but doubt has begun to flood my mind.  It is Day 31 of my journey and I feel stronger and healthier, but I am a visual creature, I WANT and NEED to see concrete numbers.

So just a little bit ago I went to check in on fit2fat2fit to see what exercises I will be doing this week as this new month brings new challenges....and I got scared.

First thoughts,  Oh NOOOO, I can't do this!  Then I kept reading Drew's post and in all caps he said, FEAR IS NOT AN EXCUSE TO QUIT

Can you believe, I actually placed my head in my hands and cried.  I was going to quit.  It was like Drew was calling me on my crap. 

I can't quit.  This is just the beginning of the change.  This opportunity is a blessing.  I have the benefit of a personal trainer, dietitian and coach ALL FOR FREE.  And I was going to throw it away because of  FEAR and a CHALLENGE.

What the hell was I thinking!?!  I just have to keep digging.  Even when I am tired and it is frustating...KEEP DIGGING!!!!

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Journey 2 Fit {Day 28-29} Struggle of the Plateau

I am pretty sure EVERYONE has experienced the down in the dumps of not seeing the number on the scale reflecting the work you FEEL you have put into a new SMALLER number.

I feel that way right now.  Hubbs said about a week or so ago, "Honey, I think you are going to hit your plateau soon, if not now."  I couldn't help but scowl at him and snap, "Don't you dare say that to me!" 

Sadly, I think I have hit it.  The scale has not moved in three weeks now and I am feeling sad.  I am trying to be positive, but for me three weeks is like the Fat Monster laughing & saying, "I've got you now, SUCKA!!!" 

I almost feel like giving up.  Although, I know I can't. 

The number may not be budging right now, but I feel the difference in my clothing and the notices I have from people.  It even feels REALLY nice to run.  It does hurt like it has in the past.  So does the number really matter?

Not all numbers carry the same weight. 

How long does a plateau last?  I am excited that next week fit2fat2fit is going be adding new exercises, but I wonder if I have shot myself in the foot, by walking and NOW running so much. 

Starting to doubt my ability to win in this battle.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Journey 2 Fit {Day 26-27} Loving What I am Seeing

Getting ready to hit the 4 week mark on doing fit2fat2fit and I am finding that I am looking in the mirror more.  I don't like mirrors.  As a matter of fact there is not a full length mirror anywhere in my house.

I have not had one for several years.  But now I go into my son's room and look at myself in his mirror which is a little bigger than the medicine cabinet, which I sometime avoid.  Things are tightening up.

With that said, I was teetering there the last couple of days.  I was really craving a greasy burger, but I thought, I've come this far, why screw it up now.

As a matter of fact, I just got off the phone with my mother.  She was saying how she wishes she would have finished a lot of things in her life.  How things she has wanted to accomplish, escaped her because she never finished. 

I don't want to ever say that.  Although, I have said it before.  This is one of the reason why I am pushing along.  Why I can't give up and leave things undone.

So I will push for that extra step.  I will push to holdfast passed the temptation.  Thanks for being there, folks...I feel your cheers.  I know you are pulling for me.
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